Posted by rskontos on January 27, 2008, at 18:42:01
In reply to confusion, posted by muffled on January 27, 2008, at 10:58:30
Muffled, I understand not understanding it. I wrote an email to my p-doc arguing with him about having it. You see he gave me a tape telling me I am dissocative with identities. And I still argue with him. Last session I was trying to explain to him about my dissociation and it was so hard and he had this puzzled look and I just got so frustrated and so I assumed he did not believe me. I said nothing, I started dissocation and trying to come up with an answer to another hard question he had asked earlier because the dissociative part was part of the answer to this hard question, anyway, it all became too much so I just went away from the whole session. I only realized it on the way home, when I came back from the hazy, foggy place I was in. Because this time, the dissociation was different than in the past. my point is mine is changing and changes so much how do I explain it? I can't. I have been thinking about this all weekend. And it seems to me that it changes as we need it to continue helping us until we are intregrated. That is all I can come up with. And I have notice for me my voices are only quiet when I am mad and yelling in other words standing up for myself. Because otherwise they have to come to the forefront and do that.
Dissociation is confusion. And just when I think I understand mine I will do it differently in the past. I now will have a tunnel like experience. Or an out of body experience. Well, I had those as in my 20's and 30's but now I am sometimes present in a hazy foggy way, and sometimes I leave completely and only return later. So how do you explain this. It is so hard. I haven't find the right words yet.
as far as the consult. Well, I tell you when I decided to change therapist and go to a p-doc I was scared. I didn't think I would tell him anything about what my therapist, the first one, said about DID/ or dissociation in the first place. But in that first session it came up quickly by him and it was ok. The way he brought it up was ok. And he was experienced with it and he was so much better. Never has he made me felt like it is anything but ok and a gift, although it hard to see it like that. He said without it you might not have survived your childhood. But now it can be a hard way to live. So I know how you feel about seeing a new doc, if they have experience with DD/DID
then they will know how to talk to you and make you feel ok. And if your T has set this up then it is likely she found someone who has experience with it. Mine is helping although I am fighting him. As he says I am struggling with trusting him
but that was to be expected. It is a struggling, and I sure that is part of it for you. and the biggest of them all is the trust we don't feel for ourselves.Maybe what I say helps you. Maybe it doesnt. I do think dissociation is different because each brain in each individual is unique and therefore so is the disorder.
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:809101
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080126/msgs/809219.html