Posted by ClearSkies on January 1, 2008, at 9:22:04
In reply to I should have used the money and gone on my own, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 1, 2008, at 5:03:53
> I feel totally abandoned by my h. it's like he just dragged me along. he is working on this vacation and sometimes he doesn't even tell me when he's going to be away. every night he goes out drinking with his friends and i HATE it and refuse to go along.
>
> why am I staying in my room all day HERE. I could have taken the money and gone somewhere *I* wanted to go.
>
> yeah. I know this isn't a psychology themed post. but WAIT there's more. I think I'm too dependent on my h. I should be more assertive of my needs and be braver and more courageous to get out and do things on my own. this is one of the topix I'm going to talk about when I get back.
>
> -LlDifficult to find that this is something to learn while you're so far from home. And I *can* relate, having traveled with my H while he's been working - and equally hated and resented it. Even when there is "personal time" tacked on at one end or another it seems like a cheat somehow. I've always found too if I've ventured out on my own that I haven't wanted to go very far from the hotel before going back, making me feel timid and that I'm a fearful person who can't really handle being in a strange place on her own. Not empowering!
What my T would say - sometimes, it just sucks. When it's like this we have to be extra nice to ourselves (that's the hardest part of all, isn't it?), and try to notice what we're feeling, rather than try to change it. This is when my notebook comes out, and I make truly incoherent scribblings that release my own internal pressure here and there.
Taking the focus down to a very small level, as Bhodi suggested to me on a thread about anxiety, helps. Take a close look at your bedspread in the room. Or the loops in the towel. Or your new knock-off handbag - really examine it. Sometimes taking the observation of our world down to such a minute level has the effect of not only soothing us, but it also opens a whole new world to us - who knew that, perhaps, handbags were things of such careful construction? It's finding a little shred of joy in a tiny corner of a strange world that can bring you comfort; and can also give you a little gift that you would not be able to share with someone else, because it's so intimate. Just an idea, that one.
CS
poster:ClearSkies
thread:802892
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080101/msgs/803560.html