Posted by muffled on December 31, 2007, at 22:35:10
In reply to Re: To the world...this is crazy muffled*trigger?* » muffled, posted by DAisym on December 31, 2007, at 15:38:01
> "what do I do, now that I know?" But slowly I'm figuring out that there is nothing to do. Your mind will slowly absorb the truth, the more you speak it, the more it is knowable. But telling means knowing.
*telling...I guess that means speaking it aloud in words...
I think the operative word is 'slowly'....
So......let me understand this...I am confused. I can't deny cuz its haunting me and I can't escape it. So this means I must accept or just wear down or end up destroying myself...But this is very hard to accept due to splitness. I have differing opinions. They battle.
> I believe the exhaustion and pain come from the energy it takes to not know. To keep the secret, especially from ourselves. To "sit with it" is very hard - mostly impossible for me - but gradually, I am learning to just be. Which isn't to say that I don't sink deeply into those depths of despair or think at some point that I just can't live with knowing. But there are now moments that I see myself as someone who can know and still function. I can know and still be me. Everything has been changed by knowing and yet not.*sigh...confusing..its just so much so fast. First 'peeps', which was good and bad. Then knowledge. Which is all bad.
But your words give me hope.
> I'm not helping - but I just wanted to say that the confusion and splitting you are doing is normal and understandable. Try to remind yourself that you don't have to "do" anything - just get through your day, stick to your routine and the knowing will be easier over time.*oh daisy, you do help. Just by babbling to me.
You sound like my T. Thats what she says...'we just keep going...'
So....I guess, God I just want to scream, NO. Oh crap, its just. I must seem like such an idiot, I talk all like I am some person who been hurt, then I am at the same time screaming inside that this is SO ridiculous.
I am TRYING to say OK, it is so, I try to accept, but another part just will not allow this cuz then there are unacceptable emotions. Too strong.
So,
SLOWLY.
I try to remember this.
Then it gets easier some, cuz we used to it.
I try to know this.
Thx,
M
poster:muffled
thread:803346
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071215/msgs/803516.html