Posted by pegasus on December 26, 2007, at 9:47:39
We were scheduled to fly to my husbands' family for Christmas, but my daughter ended up with an ear infection, and we had to cancel. It would have been fun, probably. His brothers and sister and their children would have all been there. It has been years since we've all been together. We would have met our youngest niece, who is a year old. My daughter would have had a blast playing with her cousins.
On the darker side, my husband's mom is seriously depressed. And the whole family pretends to not know, and denies it. The last time we were there she spent the whole holiday hiding in a back room while everyone else opened present and had meals. She is no longer willing to travel, and even missed her youngest son's wedding recently. But these times are always explained away as that she "has a cough" or "needs to take care of her aunt". It's sad for me, because I can't buy into the denial.
My family is just as dysfunctional, in a different direction. We don't deny, but we're mean to each other. No punches are ever pulled, no failure politely ignored, no mistakes forgiven. We're a collection of boiling resentments just waiting for a chance to spill and burn each other. It can be scary and devastating to spend time with my family.
When we had to cancel our travel plans, our wonderful dear friends who are neighbors invited us over for Christmas dinner. Their whole family is local, and they had a huge turkey dinner, and massive piles of presents, and lively talk and laughter. They even gave us presents; must have been overflow from some of theirs. We felt like we were transported into the land of healthy, functional families who have picture book holidays.
We went home definitely cheered, but also feeling oddly empty. I feel like I voyeuristically experienced a Christmas that could never have been mine. Despite their warm welcome, I feel like we were intruders. And then also part of me wants to really be in their family. We've gotten to know them all over the years at various parties and events, so we are achingly close to being insiders. I can't really explain all of my mixed up, intense feelings about last night.
So, I'm sending my story out into babble land, in case someone else can relate.
peg
poster:pegasus
thread:802689
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071215/msgs/802689.html