Posted by Dinah on November 23, 2007, at 17:22:11
Today was an absolutely dismal session. He was obviously sleepy. I was at my most soporific, somewhat monotone and incoherent as I searched for words to describe some inner experience. He kept repeating back to me what I'd said, and getting it completely wrong. Not in meaning, but in actual words. I tried to talk louder, he tried to listen harder. He says it's not only that I talk softly but there's something about the timbre of my voice. So now I'm trying to listen to my timbre. Is it possible to hear one's own timbre? He says when I get excited about something I talk louder and it's ok. My husband says when I get excited about something I talk too loud and it's not ok at all.
Then it suddenly occurred to me that this might be it. This might be *the* session where we finally run out of things to talk about.
He laughed and said this was an example of my all or none way of thinking sometimes. Which I thought was rather unfair. It might be an example of my catastrophic thinking. But not of all or none thinking I don't think?
As we left he said, and I think he was teasing, that if we had nothing to talk about next Tuesday or Friday I could start to worry. I know he meant that well, but suddenly I'm positive that I won't be able to think of a thing to say.
It's not impossible after all. By now he's heard my stories often enough to remember them. He knows everyone in my life as well as I do, at least from my perspective. And he could find his way on a day trip through my brain without much trouble.
It's not like I'm feeling great. I'm not. I got upset with my mother Monday, and it seems to have triggered some sort of chemical chain reaction. I've mostly been able to put out of my mind what happened, and even my concerns about the future. But my stimulation level hasn't really declined, and of course that always sort of snowballs. So it's not that I'm feeling great.
Boy, I hope this was just a really bad session and I can think of something to say on Tuesday.
poster:Dinah
thread:796722
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071120/msgs/796722.html