Posted by Wittgenstein on October 15, 2007, at 4:44:18
In reply to Re: Hurting - poss trigger, posted by Phillipa on October 14, 2007, at 22:09:57
Thank you for your support - it's given me a boost. I should realise we're all in the same boat.
My T's been away the last week. In 2 weeks I will go and stay 5 days with my parents, which is triggering for me (the week before that, I will be away so won't have access to my T) - I was meant to stand up to them and avoid the trip but as usual I buckled under the pressure - it's been bad timing that my T has been away - of course he has every right to have a week off but I feel kind of angry with him (haven't felt quite like this before).
I'm not sure if anxiety about visiting my parents is what it's all about (to be honest I can't even think/feel anything about that now) - my sadness feels abstract - deep sense of grieving - it's been particularly intense the last couple of weeks - this week worse than last. So hard to explain it - like being trapped inside myself - feelings with no outlet. I feel so awful yet I can't cry. I just act like a robot/zombie. I suppose I have a lot of fear and emotion going on but I'm suppressing it and hence it's materialising as this generalised feeling of grief. A less than successful means of avoiding and dissociating.
I know I should keep myself busy but when I'm doing things, I don't feel like I'm there - like I'm watching it in third person via a video-link. It's funny, last night I had a vivid dream of playing these old computer puzzles.
Witti
Thank you for your support
poster:Wittgenstein
thread:789196
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071009/msgs/789330.html