Posted by muffled on September 15, 2007, at 21:42:14
In reply to things don't feel right, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 15, 2007, at 19:47:05
> I feel unstable. I can't put my finger on it. I don't know who I am. I don't know what to do or how to do nothing.
**ahhh, welcome to my world...
> T says that one thing that he's noticed is that I tend to give myself a hard time because i have some idea or ideal of what to be. That being a certain person involves the whole package- having a certain occupation, a certain lifestyle etc. That I shouldn't strive to be what I'm not, who I'm not and embrace who I am.
>
> Who AM I?
>
> I'm not what I do. That much is clear. I work in a coffee shop and write on psychobabble and knit and write scholarly articles. That would make me a crazy knitting caffeinated author. Not exactly my image of myself.**Hmmmmm...... NO COMMENT!!!!LOL!!!!
*I'm a crazy turning in circles, trying to be good and act normal but failing, overweight, lazy, inconsistant, NOT cool, mom. Acccck. THIS was NOT my dream....
I think I need to mourn the loss of all my dreams...
And come up with some new ones...
>
> I'm not what I ought to do. That much is clear. When I tried to steer myself into a career trajectory for which I had been trained, the psychic revulsion was tangible and threatening.
>
> I'm not what I want to do. What if my dreams never come true. Will I cease to be? doubtful.
>
> Maybe I am the 2nd derivative- change itself. rather than being a line, I will embrace the sense of being some parabola or accelerating body. Change over time is my only definition. Doubt that T meant to frame my existence in terms of calculus, but there you have it.
>
> looks like I'm not the only one hitting the xanax tonight.
>
> I just ate a chicken. Therefore I am.**I ate sushi, therefore I am too.
I am the sum of who I am.
Put all my peices together and that is me.
Far too complicated.
Just trying to make it thru.
One day at a time.
One hour at a time.
One second at a time.
Being a socially acceptable useful member of society.
A work in progress.
Ever growing, ever changing.
Sometimes falling backwards with a crash.
Sometimes crawling ahead, sometimes running!
Sometimes, lotsa times, just plain lost.
poster:muffled
thread:783105
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070904/msgs/783134.html