Posted by girlnterrupted78 on September 14, 2007, at 2:27:37
In reply to Re: Very partial response..., posted by annierose on September 11, 2007, at 22:40:00
Thanks for your message, annierose,
> Seconding henrietta's post - I just wanted to add - that it appears on the surface - her blank slate approach is aggitating your consciousness.
I don't know if it's the approach, or if it's her. I honestly don't like her. Can you imagine having to talk to a person you don't really like, and on top of that, having to begin the conversation about YOUR life, with a T you don't like or trust? And then she won't do anything that puts you at ease in the therapy.
She'll offer an uncomfortable silence and her expectation that YOU give that intro to make both of you at ease. How do you do that, when you don't even like the person, and when you're depressed as hell? It's awfully hard and annoying and something you just feel like running away from. But I've had to do it and deep down, it doesn't feel as if she truly has the ability to create rapport with you. She expects YOU to create rapport with her. It makes me feel like I'm doing 80% of her job. And *I* am the one who is depressed. *I* am the one who needs help. How can someone depressed do all the work for a T?
> And when that type of transference is going on in the therapy room - well - it's so darn HARD to work through. You have mentioned that she keeps bringing herself into your therapy, but you really haven't written how that is so.
Ummm.. I'm not sure if you misunderstood. By bringing herself into the therapy, I didn't mean she talks about her problems. I meant her problems come out in the therapy. Problems like anger, anxiety, and inability/unwillingness to communicate openly and honestly in the therapeutic enrvironment.
For example, she told me (after *I* began a whole session of OPENING UP and speaking on how we feel in therapy)--she confessed she felt afraid that her comments might offend me, so, on many occasions she kept her thoughts to herself. So I think that's a problem of hers. Therapists shouldn't restrain themselves out of fear (I think.)Then I sensed the anger issues. Why can't she control her anger WHILE at work, while at therapy? Her anger had a negative impact on me and created a major problem that took 3 sessions to resolve. So thats what I meant when I said her own problems came out in therapy. She can't resolve things through communication.. she'll push things under the rug and reflect anger--which in turn had such a negative impact on me, that I began despising her and hating the therapy.
Also her sensitivity. I told her she took everything too personally. I made a comment, and she felt I was attacking her, while I honestly wasn't. I explained and explained to her what it was, and then she understood. But initially she felt I had something against her.
And I was the one who resolved these issues by having the initiative of using a session to open up about what was going on. We both recognized something negative was going on, but she was NOT the one to open up. In fact, she resisted a LOT. Eventually, when she saw I was being very honest without getting upset or blaming anyone, she finally opened up.
So can you see how her problems sort of "came out" in therapy? I would expect that if a therapist realizes there's trouble, they would be the first ones to open up to honest discussion. But not this one. She seemed lost in space, while I was totally uneasy and uncomfortable because our relationship wasn't going well. If I hadn't been interested in opening up, the problems with my T would've continued till the point of me quitting completely the therapy with her.So I hope I was more clear now on what I meant when I said she brought her problems into the therapy. She allowed her negative emotions to have a negative impact on me and the therapy, and instead of discussing it, she pushed it under the rug, denied it, and allowed it to impact me. l
> Sometimes that anger is coming from inside of us and it gets pasted onto the person in firing range --- and that person in the room at the time is your therapist. Especially when you mentioned having similar feelings with your previous therapist.
No, I didn't have similar feelings with my previous T. I got along extremely well with him and felt comfortable from the start.
My anger with this T began when HER anger began, and when I felt she wasn't providing what I desperately needed in order to feel comfortable. I felt neglected. I felt she didn't do any kind of intro that put me at ease, or tried to create rapport. I felt she expected me to be the guide, the talker, the one who'd trust her without knowing her. She expected me to be EVERYTHING. All that lack of WORK on her part angered me because I felt completely uncomfortable about starting therapy with someone who didn't have a personality or a presence, and who I didn't even like talking to, to begin with. It was as if she were a shy individual who expected me to do her job because she didn't know how to do it and/or was afraid to. I didn't get a sense that she was acting out of knowledge or therapeutic style, but rather, out of being incapable of doing her part.
And I'm sure most people would say: "Oh no, that's impossible. That's totally YOU projecting."Fine. But answer this question: Is it really impossible to find a therapist that doesn't feel comfortable talking and that instead expects her patient to do the job? Is that something impossible? Because what I get from everyone's comments here is that it's simply IMPOSSIBLE that there could be a neglectful, unprepared therapist on the face of earth, and the patient who dares have that impression, is SURELY projecting. There's no other possibility, because every T on this planet is qualified, fair and prepared, the only explanation for any problems is projection of the patient. Sounds as if the T wasn't human to begin with. As if it was an expectation that they had no baggage or were superhuman.
Thanks again for your comments
GI78
poster:girlnterrupted78
thread:781352
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070904/msgs/782810.html