Posted by Happyflower 1 :-) on August 23, 2007, at 6:41:47
I have my 2nd session this morning with my new T. All I can think of is what my old T said to me. If you die, I won't attend your funeral. That has to be one of the meanest things anyone has said to me as an adult.
Okay, maybe it is true, but to tell your client that to their face is so heartless and there is NO excuse for that. Telling me he doesn't really care about me, why is he lying? I have to think he is lying because if he isn't that would make him such a total jerk. But to tell me that, why? Why did he have to be so mean to me? After 2 1/2 years, I mean NOTHING?
I thought when my DH ran off with his girfriend, that was really cruel. But what my T did to me, that seems even worse. He went over the line. But why? Is he scared of my feelings or maybe his? Do I really mean more than he wants and he has to totally hurt me to make me hate him? Why , why, why??? Why would a therapist be so cruel? Is he really trying to fool himself that he doesn't care about me? What was wrong with him?
It was like he wasn't even himself that day, or was he really being himself? Am I deluding myself that he is a nice guy? Maybe he really is a cold hearted bastard? But I just can't belive that, I would have seen that a long time ago, wouldn't I ?
There is no way I can work with him after he said this, those comments shredded my heart. Was he trying to do that? Is he THAT mean? I want answers and I can't figure them out.
Did I do something wrong? Was I not suppose to care about him? Am I not suppose to mean anything to him, is that why he did what he did?
Or is it that he realized even after 2 1/2 years I still needed some major help and he couldn't hide what he really felt? Or did he just get sick of me and couldn't imagine working with me that much longer because he doesn't like me?
All the possible answers make me feel like a low life, unworthy of love or caring, because I am such a damaged soul
Maybe he feels the way my mother did about me? Mabye that is why he was so mean, because I nothing but a useless piece of sh*t and he wants nothing to do with me.
Why was he so mean to mean, what did I do wrong?
Was it being born, was that my mistake?
poster:Happyflower 1 :-)
thread:777977
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070822/msgs/777977.html