Posted by gardenergirl on August 10, 2007, at 15:50:22
In reply to Re: Pain, posted by Phillipa on August 10, 2007, at 11:53:09
Jammer,
I'm sorry it's still so painful. I think what others have said about grief is really important. I think it's a bit of a different animal than other kinds of hurt in some ways. And what you went through certainly would be likely to lead to grieving, no doubt.
I know it can feel like the pain can never end, that there cannot ever be any soothing or relief. That's actually one sign to me that I'm grieving something--that feeling that the pain hasn't lessened at all, that it feels like a fresh wound whenever I think of it, sometimes that I still just can't believe that what happened did happen. In my experience, it can feel like I'm stuck in that initial pain and almost keep repeating it over and over. And I feel like I don't know what to "do with" that pain or that it's an unsurmountable obstacle.
What I've learned helps is to talk about it with someone you trust, someone who cares, someone who can listen attentively and lovingly. That helps move you from that first phase to acceptance. Acceptance isn't forgiveness, but it is coming to terms with what happened. That it did happen, that it did/does hurt, and that it's had an impact of some kind on you. For some reason, moving there helps stop that sort of initial pain loop. You are more able to let it go in time and not have it be so prominent in your day to day experiences. It doesn't mean that there isn't still pain or hurt, but it becomes more manageable and a smaller part of you as the rest of you expands again.
So please talk to us or to whomever you trust if it helps. You are loved.
Take care,
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:775015
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070807/msgs/775323.html