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Re: Pain » gardenergirl

Posted by jammerlich on August 12, 2007, at 10:20:20

In reply to Re: Pain, posted by gardenergirl on August 10, 2007, at 15:50:22

gg, thank you so, so much. In reading what you wrote, I think you really understand the emotions I'm going through right now. And feeling understood helps a lot.

I do feel stuck in the pain. Or, that it WILL be back, even if it eases from time to time. The variability of my moods is the worst part, I think. I go from feeling reasonably decent to suicidal in a matter of hours and it's really scary. I'm not used to that. I think I prefer just feeling consistently bad, because the OK times are filled with fear of the "ick" and impending doom I know are just around the corner.

I have tried talking about it some irl, but people just don't seem to understand this. Even people I know who are in therapy. Mostly, I get bewildered looks and end up feeling worse for having opened up. My ex has actually been very nice; but, as hard as he tries, he's just not very good with words. Or maybe there's just nothing else for him to say. I've been leaning on him a lot; I fear it's too much for one person and that he is becoming weary of me.

I've talked about it some in chat, which has been helpful. People are very supportive. I just have a hard time taking it all in and believing their words to be true. I don't know why I'm having a hard time posting about it. I'm no stranger to posting a play-by-play of my sessions. But, this is different somehow, and I'm not sure why.

Thank you again, gg. Your post meant a lot to me.

Jammer

 

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