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Re: Needs, wants.....bleck Dinah

Posted by DAisym on July 16, 2007, at 15:01:16

In reply to Re: Needs, wants.....bleck DAisym, posted by Dinah on July 16, 2007, at 9:37:31

You are always helpful, and gentle...

I think I'm at this place again for many converging reasons - my dad came to visit, I went on a trip with my mom, I filed divorce papers and I read a new book specifically about attachment in psychotherapy. The book especially took me to that place of knowing that I'm in really good hands and that the therapy we are doing is the exact right therapy for me. My therapist has been so THERE for me, as always, but even more so...the voice mail he left me when I went away was so completely perfect - he even mentioned shoe shopping. It just makes the lack of these others particularly evident. So - I'm hurting.

Intellectually I know I don't know him well enough to make the determination of a good "warm partner" fit. What if he is a slob? Or doesn't eat baked goods? I struggle with all these feelings of right and wrong and appropriate. But mostly I just know what is missing from my life and feeling close to him makes me even more lonely.

When we talk about it, he tells me I'm learning to allow myself to need in a safe way - he won't take advantage of the need nor will he hurt me (intentionally anyway). And the repair and slow growth of my core self will eventually make it so I'm "enough" all on my own. Feels like a very long way away.

I've actually drifted this weekend over to wondering if I'm just destined to be alone, that I'm not meant to have an intimate partner. I'll have family and friends and colleagues and perhaps that is enough. I just wish I didn't know how good it feels when someone says the exact right thing at the exact right moment and for that moment you feel completely safe and cared for.

I didn't miss it when I didn't know I could ever have it. And now I don't know how to undo this. What is it they say about a little knowledge?

 

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