Posted by sunnydays on June 9, 2007, at 21:49:10
In reply to Re: hard to leave... » sunnydays, posted by OzLand on June 9, 2007, at 21:14:08
> I agree with Honore wholeheartedly. To answer your question above, well we can't really experience deep joy without also knowing about deep pain as they relate to relationships. It is good because you will be able to take away a sense of your T as who he is, and you will begin to see that you are a whole person who can handle both intimacy and pain.
***** That's a good point. I have serious issues with trust, and so I guess being attached shows I trust my T somewhat, although I still question that trust all the time. I feel bad about that and get worried that he's going to get sick of me or angry if I can't hurry up and trust him soon.
> I am so afraid of letting anyone get to know me and have never really felt close to anyone.**** Same here. It's so hard to say anything deeply personal about myself, even to my therapist. And I discovered last session that I can't say things sometimes even in session if I can't trust myself not to cry.
Intimacy scares the hell out of me; unfortunately, pain and loneliness have been old friends. I am really scared to let him know me as it will mean intimacy on a different level.
**** Yep. My T keeps telling me sadness has been my old friend and that's why I have to try to not let it be there all the time.
I had a therapist some 25 years ago who I saw as a father, and when he went away on vacation for 4 weeks, I did not think I would make it. Over time, I could feel myself getting stronger, and I could keep him in mind even when he was gone. It does happen.
**** Yeah. I've been able to do that some. It's just something I'd rather not do (as in I'd rather he never left and I never had to leave) :P
>
> My fear now with my new therapist/analysit is having sexual feelings for him. We meet twice per week, and I have met with him for one month now. He is so good looking and seems to be able to read my mind. Not really, but he asked me if I was afraid of having sexual feelings for him (we are pretty much the same age), and I can't believe I said yes. I was so embarrased. But it is what it is as they say.
>**** I bet that would be embarrassing. It was so so hard for me the first time that I told my T I loved him. He was great with it, and he knew I meant as a parent because some time before that I had said that I wished he was my parent. But it's hard to talk about these things.
> Take care, and hang in there, sunnydays.
>
>Thank you,
sunnydays
poster:sunnydays
thread:761923
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/762073.html