Posted by pegasus on April 30, 2007, at 21:03:09
In reply to obsessed 'mother', posted by B2chica on April 30, 2007, at 12:47:04
Hi B2, it's good to see you here. And it's great to hear that you have a healthy baby girl!
As for your mom, in your place I would have a very frank talk with my mom. I'd say, listen, I understand that you want to see your granddaughter, and I want her to know her grandmother, too. But you need to understand that I am her mother and it is my job to decide what is best for her and for her family. You need to respect the decisions that I make, including how often and under what circumstances she sees you, and other people. If you can't respect me as her mother, and the decisions that I make for her, then I am going to have to limit the amount of time you spend with her to a very minimal amount. That means that you need to not speak poorly of me or my husband to her, and you need to give her back to me when she or I need for her to be with me. You need to be ok with her spending time alone with her mother and/or father. You need to accept whatever I decide is the appropriate amount of time for me and her to be with you. You WILL NOT go to her daycare under any circumstances, unless I explicitly ask you to. I have asked them to notify me if you ever show up there. I'm sorry to have to say this, but I just don't trust her with you. You seem to feel that you have some right to spend lots of time with her, which is not the case. If your relationship with her is beneficial to all of us, then you will be welcome to spend time with us. But if you contintue to act so irrationally obsessed with her, then I am going to feel the need to protect her and myself from you. OK? I don't expect you to be happy about this or to understand, but I do expect you to honor my wishes.
And then be prepared for her to go wild and say what a horrible daughter you are, and how you never let her see her granddaughter, and how can you say that you need protection from her, and you are the crazy one, etc. And maybe expecting it will help you stand solid in the middle of it some. Now, that's me and my mom. I can imagine that a different mother/daughter pair might not be able to do it like that. I don't know your mom, or how crazy she would really get, or what the repercussions would be for you. And maybe most important, I don't know what your history with your mom is.
It's really hard to change the way you related to important people with whom you have a pattern. But she is sounding unstable, and if your gut tells you not to trust her with your daughter, then DON'T. Please don't. Your daughter is so much more important than your mother's feelings.
peg
poster:pegasus
thread:754656
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070419/msgs/754756.html