Posted by Jeff Smith on March 19, 2007, at 19:03:54
In reply to Another perspective, posted by Racer on March 19, 2007, at 16:27:02
> I'm sorry for the state you're in, Jeff. I've been without insurance -- not even medicare -- and it is very hard to get any sort of treatment, mental or physical.
>
> In reading your email, though, I saw something that I think fits with what one woman cine had to say. When you say that you're unwilling to take any other medication, it kinda sounds as if maybe you're a little resistant to treatment options, which -- especially since you said you would kill yourself without proper treatment -- might make you sound a bit like a liability for a mental health practitioner. I'm not saying that as criticism, only in hope you can see another perspective on your phrasing, and the response it got.
>
> Personally, if they're too expensive, and don't have sliding scales for those unable to pay their full rates, then they don't. Whether that's their "choosing" not to help you, or their inability to help you given those rates, the bottom line is that they're not the place to look for help.
>
> Have you checked the local non-profits in your area? Many times, there are local non-profits that can offer some mental health care to low income residents in their area. Otherwise, most counties have -- as well as their own departments of mental health -- some sort of resource listing for community support. NAMI has listings, too, for many areas of the country; it's worth checking their website for local listings in your area.
>
> I also wonder if it might be in your best interest, though, to open your mind a little to other medication options. What you're taking apparently isn't doing quite what you need. There really are so many meds out there, and possibly a more effective medication would improve your ability to see other options for getting therapy. I know how devastating medication trials can be, especially since I've been going through it for quite some time myself now. Still, I know I'm feeling better than I did two years ago -- heck, I'm feeling better now than I was two months ago! -- so in the longer term, it's probably been worth it to me to keep trying new ones. Maybe it will be for you, too.
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> What I really see coming out in your post is that you are hurting something fierce, and I'm very sorry about that. I know how I get when my depression is that bad -- I can't see any options open to me, and I get desperate, but paralyzed. Much as I hate to admit it, and little as I can see it when I'm in that state, medications do help with that. In fact, they actually help me more than therapy for getting past that negative view of my options. Maybe a more effective medication would help you see some options you just can see right now.
>
> I hope you do try Columbia, and that they can help you. Good luck.Thanks Racer,
I know Im gonna probably sound combative and argumentative and against all ideas people give, but I really do have valid reasons as to why...unless Im just unable to see things clearly enough, but I dont believe that's the case.
Its true that I will not consider further meds: Ive been depressed literally my entire life so Im sure I have chemical issues, however no anti depressants have ever done anything at all substantial for me.
Ive been on several SSRI's and will never take one again: They made me gain weight, made it impossible to take off, once I stopped taking them and switched to Wellbutrin Ive lost weight but am still 30 pounds overweight. If I take the SSRI's again Ill get fatter and that's just not gonna happen: Im 37, havent had sex or a relationship in forever, nobody wants a fat guy (I certainly dont), that's a fact that I accept and Id rather be dead than face the rest of my life as a fat lonely guy.
The Wellbutrin has the same non effect that the SSRI's had on my depression and Im sure that's because (despite being chemically depressed) no amount of drugs can alter my mood/depression/torturous misery over my miserable life (which I cant figure out how to even begin to change given all the obstacles). My anxiety and major social anxiety have also never been affected by drugs (and I dont believe can be due to the fact that these issues come from a lifetime of low self esteem and major things of this nature and not chemical issues).About a year and a half ago (I dont recall the exact time,) I went to my shrink (a nurse practitioner Ive seen monthly for the past several years so she knows me well enough)and explained that I was feeling very angry (more so than normal). Looking back I know why I was so angry but at the time I asked her if she could give me anything for this (as if they had some magic de-angrifying pill). She said she would consult w/ this other Dr. there and let me know the following visit (she'd never consulted anyone about me before so that was odd).
Anyway, I go back the next month and she suggests "Abilify" for me... it'll help my anger. I had no clue what it was until I Googled it and found out it was an anti psychotic. Im not in the slightest bit psychotic and she knows it so I couldnt understand why shed prescribe that, but I took it for around a year. Did it help my anger? No. Did it make me feel zombie like? Yes. It also made me much more prone to severe anxiety. Plus I couldnt smoke pot on it at all... one hit would turn me into a paranoid wreck and make smoking impossible.
I stopped taking it and those things changed. The fact is the Abilify made me worse and I feel robbed of a year of my life do to the zombie/apathetic state I was in. It wasnt EXTREME but enough to greatly notice the difference once off of it.
BTW: Yes I smoke pot sometimes and no I dont feel it contributes to my problems.So I have no reason to believe that any other med I take is going to be substantially helpful and every reason to believe it cant help and can only serve to make me fat. I could be wrong, I dont know, but this is how I feel.
So thats what treatment Im resistant to. I just dont get how that would make me a liability to any therapist: If they think youre seriously suicidal then they call the police/ambulance and if youre not then you just have a normal therapy session. They cant be held responsible if youve refused meds and they still counseled you and you then killed yourself. That doesnt make sense, or am I misunderstanding where the liability would be?As for the non profit places: Im not sure exactly what you mean, but Ive been to several of and now go to a "Community" type place. My complaint about them is that they dont have any qualified therapists working at them who can or ever have at all helped me psychologically. I honestly could go on and on with all the stories of crap therapy Ive received... like the one I saw who used to be a head hunter and whos cats name was Spats and how she had her own part time private practice and only worked at that organization for the benefits. I knew all about her as she never STFU. All the others equally sucked.
You dont find qualified the Dr. Phil types working for crap pay at these places.I do appreciate your (and everyone whos replied) thoughful replies though. And Im glad to hear that youre at least feeling better than two months ago... hopefully that will increase. : )
poster:Jeff Smith
thread:742135
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070309/msgs/742254.html