Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 16, 2007, at 22:48:01
In reply to talking through crisis *trigger*, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 16, 2007, at 22:02:04
Llurpsie 0
PTSD 5now officially in seclusion. not making any more attempts to ask for help.
gonna grit my teeth. actually not even necessary. apparently this body that doesn't belong to me doesn't really have feelings either. I tested it.
problem- nobody has ever been there for me consistently. except for myself. little llurpsie who walks home from 1st grade by herself at age 5. some days in the dark, 'cause I waited for mom to pick me up. she said she would.
but that's okay. I always knew how to figure things out. that's 'cause there used to be a happy ending. I'm not seeing the happy ending tonight. I refuse to. gonna ride the wave of dark feelings.
the extra 2 points belong to
flat affect
dissociation&depersonalization (how could I forget my favorite friends?)okay. hands have better things to do. If I were brave, I'd take a pill and go to bed. Instead, I feel like I want this to be me a little longer. Maybe I'll understand a little more. At least I'm not afraid of anything. )))fear(((
I just realized that that last paragraph sounds really dark. relax. no permanent harm will be done. wish I had a violin on me, I'd be diving right into Bach G minor Sonata. More like melting, than diving, actually.
I wonder if it's a delusion that I get closer to the truth the longer I hang out in the darkness.
probably.
There is some truth to the present too. I just choose to ignore that at the moment.
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:733448
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/733467.html