Posted by Tamar on December 29, 2006, at 6:32:10
In reply to PLEASE Read This And Help Me... Please., posted by JeffSmith on December 29, 2006, at 3:15:17
Hi Jeff, and welcome to Babble!
I read your post and I’m sorry that things have been so difficult for you for such a long time.
I wish I could rescue you or provide a miracle for you, but sadly these things are outside my abilities. But I can certainly understand why you want a miracle or a rescue.
I doubt this is what you want to hear, but in my experience, miracles don’t really work. They give us plenty of good feelings, but they don’t inevitably lead to long term change. Even if you suddenly came into a fortune it wouldn’t make you less anxious; even if you found a wonder drug it wouldn’t cure you overnight. And even if you had the best therapist in the world, s/he couldn’t make you better without a lot of hard work on your part.
As for rescuing you… it sounds to me as if John has stepped up to the mark there. You have a roof over your head and someone who cares about you. It sounds to me as if you’re already being rescued. But of course it’s not a permanent fix for all your difficulties.
When things feel really bad it’s natural to want large-scale permanent change. Of course you want a miracle. In fact, though, things can seem a lot better with only very small changes. And making a lot of small changes over a period of time can eventually feel like a transformation. So don’t give up! I’d suggest you set your sights a little lower than a miracle and start with trying to achieve something much smaller.
And: give yourself credit for what you have managed to achieve! You have formed lasting relationships, you have graduated from college - so what if you couldn’t do PE? If my degree had depended on my sporting abilities I wouldn’t have graduated either. And you have taken some responsibility for your health by trying meds and therapy. I know you feel it hasn’t helped, but I think it’s very good that you have tried those things. I also think it’s good that you exercise every day; exercise can help a little.
Do you eat healthily? Do you drink enough water? These are things you can address without even leaving the house.
Sometimes when things are awful it really does feel like you’re just hanging on from one hour to the next, one day to the next. There isn’t an instant solution to that experience. But it doesn’t mean things will always feel this way. You talk about worrying that it’s too late at age 37 for your life to change; well I’m the same age as you. I don’t think life is over yet. We still have half our years in front of us. And believe it or not people do build new careers and new partnerships in middle age and beyond. My grandfather remarried after the death of my grandmother, when he was in his 70s, and his second wife was 15 years younger than he was and quite wealthy. So even at twice your age people can find contentment.
Having read your story, it sounds to me as if dealing with your anxiety is probably the first step; relationships and employment will be easier to find if you’re feeling more mentally healthy. Also, a good relationship and a good job won’t cure anyone of anxiety or depression (as I know only too well). So I really think it starts with addressing your mental health difficulties. And that’s not easy; it takes time and hard work. But you sound like a determined person, and I reckon you can do it.
I hope things get better for you soon. Keep posting and let us know how you’re doing.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:717185
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061210/msgs/717202.html