Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 6, 2006, at 9:35:55
In reply to Re: My Mom is RESISTING **suicide abuse triggers***** » LlurpsieBlossom, posted by ClearSkies on December 6, 2006, at 7:50:59
> My mother is incapable of processing what I have tried to talk to her about. First she was defensive, then she was guilt-ridden and chose not to speak to me, for fear of "upsetting" me, and now she is sad. It was up to me to tell her that I wasn't expecting anything more than her acknowledgement that I and my siblings had been raised in a household fraught with mental illnesses that would not be spoken of, ever. When I suggested that she needed professional help, she replied that it wasn't something she wanted to do. End of story.
Yep, that sounds about right. I think my mom is willing to start seeing a T. I had to work really hard to convince her that it would be a good thing for her. Here are some of my reasons.
1. mom said that she would do anything she could to help me get better.
2. mom has an ailing husband and is his full-time caretaker. a lot of stress for anyone.
3. mom has her exercise and her other coping mechanisms, but she still cannot deny that she is often 'down' or depressed.
4. mom has a lot of pent-up emotions. she has nobody to talk to them with. not me, not my dad, not her friends (she doesn't have any close friends :( )
5. mom understands that some of her explanations and ways of understanding her world are not grounded in reality. she knows that she's talking nonsense, but only when someone points it out to her. I think that person should be a T, and I explained it to her.
6. I told her it would be educational. That she would learn more about herself, and the way that she works. That it's not about 'feeling good' that it's about self-growth.
7. I told her that just because it's not easy, and it doesn't always make us feel better immediately, that it's still a good thing to work on this stuff. kind of like a personal trainer for your mind and coping mechanisms. no pain no gain.etc.
> My T helped me see that this is HER stuff, not mine. That my expectations were higher than she can ever meet. And that I have to continue on my own journey no matter what. That really hurt, but I have accepted it, mostly, pretty much, OK not all the time. It still hurts.
>
> I guess I'm saying that you might be beating your head against a wall by expecting too much of your mom. After all, this is the same coping behaviour she had while all this bad stuff was going on, right?
>
> CSI know CS. but I want her to be a grandmother to my children (one day?). and I want to be able to trust her to take care of them...
poster:LlurpsieBlossom
thread:710023
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061123/msgs/710832.html