Posted by Dinah on November 8, 2006, at 10:01:55
In reply to Re: possible neg. of babble on the ther. relationhip » SatinDoll, posted by Fallsfall on November 8, 2006, at 7:46:59
My experience of just trusting him and expecting him to lead me where I should go is that I get enormously frustrated and so does he.
He doesn't like that at all.
My experience of trusting the therapy and expecting that it will go where it needs to go, is that the therapy drifts.
Maybe it's because he normally does short term therapy and is treading in new waters with me. But he likes me as an active partner who asks for what I want or need.
Which doesn't mean that he does whatever I want or need. He's clear with who he is and what he does. But he wants me to ask anyway. The answer may be no, but he's teaching me it's ok to ask for what you can't get. And that getting a no doesn't mean that you're a terrible person.
I think it really depends a whole lot on the individual client and the individual therapist and what people are working on.
My basic relationship style is to be passive. I don't long for control, I avoid responsibility at all costs. I play the little girl, and ask that someone else take care of me, and while I might whine about how they do it, I don't much really care whether they're great at it or not, as long as they accept responsibility. I stayed in a toxic environment until I was thirty because I *liked* being a daughter.
Maybe he does have a plan. Or maybe he just doesn't like dependent women. Or maybe it's pure dumb luck. For whatever reason, I'm getting better (gasp!). So there are lots of ways to get better. Each person needs to find the "right" way for themselves.
But I'm not sure it's a bad thing to be informed about whether a therapist's behavior is ethical, or assessing whether you're getting better.
I don't think it would come as a shock to anyone to learn that not all therapists are competent, not all are ethical, and certainly not all are the right fit for any given client.
Trust? Sure. But trusting and locking the door anyway isn't a bad thing.
poster:Dinah
thread:701287
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061026/msgs/701587.html