Posted by mair on October 12, 2006, at 22:40:51
In reply to Re: My T Got Bad News, posted by Jost on October 12, 2006, at 21:51:11
It is horrible. I have this very heavy heart, and it's impossible for me not to look at things from her perspective. She says that work is a relief to her, that she can compartmentalize and that it's good for her to focus on other people's issues. I understand that but I think it will be very difficult for her to keep her patients focused on themselves, particularly as she gets sicker. It is courageous of her to talk to all of her patients about this, but she sort of has no choice since her schedule is so up in the air. I imagine her going home, at the end of a day like today when she probably had to cover the same ground with everyone she saw, and just feeling such a relief that she got through the day.
She's a single mother and is not in a position where she can afford not to work, so I'm sure that on top of everything else, she's worried about going through periods when she can't work, either because she physically isn't up to it, or mentally can't be there for her patients.
I'm not at all at a place where I can talk to her about what I'm feeling, and I don't really want to, because frankly, I don't want her to have to talk about herself anymore than she has to. Other than being very worried about her, I'm not in a bad place right now. She expressed some concern about having to miss alot of sessions with me because I'm used to seeing her so frequently. I don't have to be seeing her alot right now to stay sane - it's just been our experience that I have a lot of trouble maintaining a sense of connection and continuity when too much time transpires between sessions. I've been seeing her at least twice a week for years, and during some extended low periods, I saw her 3x a week.
Historically, I tend to regress at the end of every year. The holidays are stressful, recurring issues I have at work always loom larger at the end of the year, and winter is a tough time all around. Hopefully I can hold things together enough that I won't feel like I need to lean on her as much.