Posted by happyflower on October 7, 2006, at 12:00:00
In reply to Here we go again, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2006, at 10:36:47
Hi Dinah,
I don't have any answers but maybe some ideas based just on what I have experienced. I don't know your whole story so forgive me if I seem ignorant to some of the details.
But do you belive you have talked about all the issues already especially the old issues from childhood? Or are their issues you still need or want to talk about with him that you might be avoiding or maybe waiting until you feel comfortable to think about them? You have been in therapy with him a long time and I understand the attachment thing, the support thing, but are you still getting "help" with issues or is he becoming less helpful in that way ? (you know what he is going to say before he says it) I know he is a support figure and a comforting figure that you are attached to, but other than that is helping you become better at dealing with your life? Is he helping a lot or is he becoming less helpful. Sorry if I am becoming redundant here.
I feel my therapist would always be able to help me even if it is just listening to me and being there, but I wonder if his "helpfullness" becomes less after a while when I are more able to help myself.
I believe my therapist was getting bored with me because I wasn't bringing anything new to the table. But really it was me not ready to face stuff. But now that I am ready, I am able to use him better and he feels better for being able to help me. It is kinda like a two way relationship in that matter. He really enjoyed me in the beginning for the challenge I presented, he said it keeps him on his toes,a nd make him feel like he is doing some good.My T's idea is for me to socialize and meet people so I can have them to eventually be my support system, so I will rely less on him for this. It is happening even though I don't want to give him up because he is special to me but I am calling him less in crisis lately.
But now I am trying to go deeper, maybe I am ready to, I think I have been "vamping" lately in therapy, being social, even though I am benefitng from his support, I not getting his "expertise" of therapy. (the best of him) Now that is changing, now he is "recharged" in helping me. He was even hinting at taking a break a few months ago, so I know he was feeling not very useful. I think T's like the challenge and it feel good to them that they are helping.
So maybe none of this means anything to your situation, but I guess what is the staleness from ? Are you holding back or has he reaches his limit of "helpfulness" and you need more or a different kind of help?
I am sorry I am thinking a lot "in my head" lately, but like I said I have no answers, but your situation makes me think of mine. ;-) My T recently told me that everyone has relationship problems and insecurity, but it is how you deal with them or cope is the key. He wants me to be able to help myself and need him less, I guess this the goal of therapy really. So am I ready to fly solo and leave his nest? Maybe not yet, but I hope so eventually. I think the success my T will feel when I do leave the nest, will be bittersweet to the both of us, but it has to happen some day. I am not saying that you are there, but someday I think you will be, don't you think? Don't you really want that for yourself? (((((((dinah)))))) p.s . please remind me of this when I am crying my eyes out durning termination, okay. lol
poster:happyflower
thread:692687
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/692722.html