Posted by muffled on August 15, 2006, at 20:59:58
So, I'm a little freaked.
Had my T appt. today.
I finally have made it clear bout my inside 'people' as I call them to her.
I was a little upset that she seemed weirded out by the idea.
Then she said it was cuz ethically she can't deal with such cuz she doesn't have experience with someone so separated. She kept trying to make me understand that its all just me.
I KNOW THAT.
Then she starts using the word 'integration', that all of me goto come together.
F*CK THAT.
I'd just written in a fax as how I'm quite content with my people and we working things out and I'm much calmer for it.
So after the appt. I sent her another fax or 2 bout how it is with my people and how I'm good w/it and how they DON'T need to 'integrate' and really thats a very invalidating word to use.
Then I went off bout evil stuff and bout whether she has really experienced evil etc.
I think it proly came across as REALLY nutty.
And I'm pretty sure she was still in her office.
But she hasn't phoned me and I thot she might.
And I wonder if she even got the faxes?
Or horror of horrors I faxed them to the wrong place?
I'm FINALLY being totally honest and straight w/her and now I freaking that it was the wrong thing to do.
I shouldn't have let her see who I am, cuz now she'll know I'm a freak, and she gonna look at me differently.
She won't trust me or like me anymore cuz I so crazy.
Or she gonna think she screwing me up and she's not.
Its going good for me.
And also, she asked me bout self injury and I said I haven't and inside I felt rather proud of myself, but she didn't say nothing.
DUMB BITCH didn't beleive me.
I'm freaking.
SH*T> SH*T> SH*T>
I am such and IDIOT.
poster:muffled
thread:676871
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/676871.html