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Re: upset sunnydays

Posted by Estella on August 2, 2006, at 6:51:41

In reply to upset, posted by sunnydays on July 31, 2006, at 20:46:43

so instead of feeling angry you feel hurt?

I mean... you interpreted him as saying something sarcastic and instead of feeling angry you felt hurt.

maybe he wants to teach you that...

it can be okay to express anger. i think i would have looked a little cross in response to his comment. might have thrown a pillow at him. probably pouted a little (which is a bad habit).

i used to never feel anger. really... i didn't think i felt anger up until... DBT. those skills trainers used to make comments... and i'd feel angry. then right after i felt angry i'd feel so very embarrassed, ashamed, upset with myself. and hurt. hurt with them.

i think that there are appropriate times in which to express anger. if you see someone treating another person (or yourself) unjustly then anger is an appropriate response. there are also appropriate ways of expressing anger. looking a bit mad or saying 'when you do x i feel angry' or 'when you said that i felt a little annoyed that you weren't taking me seriously' or something.

but when you have only seen people express anger in destructive ways then it can be only too easy to come to think that anger is a destructive force and there is no use for it.

trouble is... sometimes repressing it can mean that you go kaboom every now and then (as i've discovered). or if you don't go kaboom every now and then... bottled anger can be something that leads to / contributes to depression.

bit of a lecture sorry. i'm still working through this stuff myself...

i guess i just mean to say... yeah he badly timed... or... he was trying to see whether you would feel a little annoyed with him. not sure.

can you talk to him about it?


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poster:Estella thread:672415
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/672859.html