Posted by ElaineM on July 16, 2006, at 10:35:29
In reply to Re: The elephant in my room » cecilia, posted by ClearSkies on July 15, 2006, at 18:16:21
>>>> Desperate to do therapy right, I shared many elephants with my ex-T. (usually in writing). It never made me feel any better, though, and after therapy fell apart I'm left with all those elephants grown bigger and scarier. T's are taught that encouraging their clients to share their elephants will reduce shame, but for some it multiplies it. T's are taught a lot of things that aren't true. Even if they see the client falling apart before their eyes, can't be, that's not what they were taught in T school. Cecilia
> Then who can I trust? Who can I find who will work with me on this? If I can't trust a therapist with my thoughts and feelings, what am I doing there?
My interpretation of this advice would be.....that the sole act of vocalizing something with a T, won't make you suddenly okay with an issue within yourself. That a T's ears are not necessarily a magic solution, and that the outcome of uncovering elephants is a very individual thing....
I think you can trust your T. And I think you'd be really brave to share something you feel so much shame about. My T's have always told me that SOMETIMES even the act of sharing alone, can deflate the balloon a little. When I told my doctor about my relationship with my T, it was such an incredibly unburdening experience. It didn't solve the underlying problem, it didn't make understanding or accepting my situation any easier, but it made me feel so much less alone -- like there was two carrying the weight, instead of only one. And that's something huge.
I'd hope that you could experience the same thing. And that that would give you increased strength to continue working on the issue, once it's out in the open.
Good Luck, hugs, EL