Posted by llrrrpp on June 29, 2006, at 20:05:31
In reply to Re: My T got me figured out, I think, posted by Jost on June 29, 2006, at 19:47:46
> When I read your T's analysis of you, llrrrpp, it sounded so much like me.
>
> Except I can get pretty angry. My T wants me to stop being so "negative" --which I might be able to do, thanks to emsam (knock on wood).
>
> One thing about your thesis is that someday you'll probably realize what's most important is getting it done (of course, you need to do good job, but nowhere nearly as good as you might think) and-- in retrospect--- and you'll wish you'd just pumped it out without tying yourself up in knots.
>
> I know I did. But maybe part of the process is getting into the knots and eventually realizing that you don't need to do that to do something very worthwhile.
>Thanks Jost. Darf ich Ihnen umarmen? You cheered me up. I need pep talks that convince me my expectations are too _____.
I've never been a super perfectionist. I picked my topic out of convenience, rather than passion. I should hardly be surprised when the work is more tedious than I would have liked. Oh well. Some things are really fun, and other things... like writing. ARE NOT. Which is hilarious, because I can spend all evening writing on babble.
Fortunately, I have at least a third of the writing done. I do about an hour or two work on it every day. I need to step it up to 2-3 hours. I know I can do it. The truth is that it's just a project like any others. I have lots of cool projects. I'm probably dragging my feet because I don't want to go into the real world and find WORK. ugh.
I think my T is trying to get me to express my anger in ways that are constructive, rather than destructive. I've gone off on rants in our sessions (about my difficult colleagues and such) and he's said "you sound angry. why are you angry?" and then I calmly say- I'm angry, because X said he would do this analysis that I need, and I haven't gotten a reply from him in 3 weeks". T says- that's great, now can you go to X and tell him this, in the way that you've just told me?" I say "NO!!- because if I go to X, I'm going to have a temper tantrum and act unprofessional!!!"
so, I can do the reasoning in neutral territory (in T's office) but not in real life, in real time. Not yet. I'm going to practice this. T assures me that the world will not fall apart if I act unprofessional every once in a while. As it is now, I appear erratic. I was once supremely passive agressive. Lately been morphing randomly into active agressive, and then back to my sickeningly saccharine bit*h face. I must seem pretty psycho :)
-ll
poster:llrrrpp
thread:662336
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060623/msgs/662684.html