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Define the optimal level of selfishness orchid

Posted by Racer on June 24, 2006, at 18:24:40

In reply to Am I being too selfish, posted by orchid on June 22, 2006, at 13:06:57

Seriously -- if you're being "too" selfish, there's got to be a line dividing "too" selfish from optimally selfish, right? So, where is that line?

Here's a hint: there isn't one.

What you're doing is what you need to do for you. That isn't being selfish, it's something called "self-care," which is something most of us here aren't very good at. So, be proud of yourself for finding good self-care in your life.

As for your mother, yes, she needs someone to turn to for her adjustment, for her pain, for her concerns. Guess what? That doesn't mean it has to be you. In fact, you can tell her that it can't be you. That's called "setting a boundary in your relationship." It's also a good thing.

What's that? You'd feel guilty doing that? OK, so when you tell her you can't be her sounding board about RA, offer her some suggestions about where she can turn: a nurse practitioner, a member of the clergy, a counselor, a taxi driver if that's all you've got to offer. And she's responsible for her own feelings, whatever they are. You're responsible for yours, and yours require that you don't let her lean on your about this one issue.

Good luck.




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