Posted by Larry Hoover on May 30, 2006, at 7:18:11
In reply to Re: I feel so empathetic, posted by Jost on May 29, 2006, at 23:14:34
> I really agree with what you say here-- it's hard, but I was thinking today that part of what Ts can do is help us, ultimateily, learn to comfort ourselves. Sometimes doing it for someone helps them to learn, but ultimately, they have to find a way of doing it for themselves. It can be very hard, though.
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> (Hope I didn't misunderstand this, too.)
>
> JostPlease, my repost of what I meant was different than the first. It was not a correction. Of you. Of me. Of anything. It was more and different words.
Ummmm, the unltimate price of abuse is loss of authenticity.
Whatever you are, whatever it is, it cannot be good enough. So you give up on trying to meet your needs, and you turn to others. That's what the abuser wanted, all along.
Maybe, if they're getting what they say they want, I can be happy for that?
But that doesn't work.
Nor does getting things you think you want. Because the thing you really want cannot come to pass. It has been abused out of you. The flow is interrupted.
Inside is a scared, lonely, uncomfortable, perhaps even inconsolable sense of self. The inner child of abuse is all of these, and more.
She can't listen to reason. Words got her there. She can't listen to words meant to express comfort. They're just words, and she got tricked before. But, the real comfort is in that mental hug. A hug is the most literal way I know of telling someone that the only thing that matters right then is the unconditional acceptance of the embrace of the self within it. It is an attempt to surround another being with yourself. A powerful symbol that from every direction, every angle of view, the person being hugged is accepted and cherished. And if those beings are both you, you reconnect the broken flow.
The inner child is an illusion. A representation of a part of the psyche. Perhaps, calling it a myth is valid, if there are negative consequences of believing in its separateness. It is not separate. It is within. It isn't really distinct at all, even though we can draw an image of it, as a distinct entity. That, too, can sometimes block the flow.
Just as the inner child is a symbol, so is the hugging of the inner child. The gulf between melts away.
Healthy parenting teaches children that they are now, and will always be, fine and acceptable human beings. Just as they are. Not perfect. Just the way they are. Human. It is okay to be human. It is okay to be good enough.
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:649587
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060526/msgs/650353.html