Posted by Estella on May 14, 2006, at 18:54:25
In reply to Re: by the way... » henrietta, posted by henrietta on May 14, 2006, at 12:20:11
i think it is hard. you would figure your parents would love you if anyone could. 'cause i was just a baby. i couldn't have been that offensive - could i? i guess i could... i don't know. i think sometimes one just grows up thinking that ones parents... saw that something was wrong. and something is wrong. and it is something so basic and fundamental. i mean i didn't have to say or do anything exactly. and they noticed. so one just grows up thinking that something must be badly wrong. i don't know. i kind of knew other people lived very different lives to me. i'm not sure why there is a tendancy to blame oneself. maybe it is about... if i felt mad at my mother she would only hit me harder / shut me away. so i learned to numb my feelings in front of her as much as possible. i couldn't feel mad at her. it would have only made things worse for me. so i guess in blaming oneself... well sadness... one just gets quiet and withdraws. and i guess that was what she wanted anyway. for me not to exist.
> And then, of course, there's repetition compulsion.....
i haven't heard of that...
i don't know what it is...
combination of lots of things probably...
thanks.
poster:Estella
thread:643770
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060505/msgs/644011.html