Posted by James K on May 14, 2006, at 15:58:05
In reply to Re: by the way... » henrietta, posted by henrietta on May 14, 2006, at 12:20:11
I'm glad to hear you got a t. I'm really trying to convince myself to do same while I'm still have some recovery impetus left.
I think about the lashing out part, I for one intend to hurt people when I lash out. This is part of a sickness or poor coping mechanism that I don't feel is a correct way to behave, so please don't take as me thinking it's a good thing.
I think I have a talent for detecting the thing that would hurt the most, and when I feel someone doesn't think I'm a human worthy of respect or consideration, I attempt to make them feel the same way. When I turn it on a good, innocent, or loved person, I can feel guilt and attempt to reverse what I just did. When I do it to a stranger, I tend to feel justified. I've been accused of dehumanizing people in order to abuse them physically or verbally. I've also been acused of dehumanizing myself in the same way. It happened to me as a child, so I do it to others, because I know how, I know it works, I know how it feels. I do it to myself to desensitize myself from feeling anything further.
Those are the kind of insights I've gotten in the small amount of therapy I've had this year, and they've given me food for thought and visions of a path toward change.
I hope she's a good t, sounds like it so far.
James k
poster:James K
thread:643770
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060505/msgs/643952.html