Posted by Tamar on April 16, 2006, at 8:02:14
Thanks for remembering me and asking about me.
I’m still struggling quite a bit, and I find it really hard to communicate when I’m so confused and stressed. Sorry for not being here… I have missed this place a lot, but it’s been really hard to stay involved when I’m feeling like this.
So I hope you won’t mind too much if I post a question…
My therapy took a good turn on Thursday (which also happened to be my birthday, so I was pretty happy about that!). We’ve been talking about the therapeutic relationship a lot, because I’m just not feeling very safe at the moment.
One thing he suggested was that I could leave some of my feelings with him. I said I didn’t know how to do that; surely my feelings can’t be separated from me and left somewhere else. And then I thought maybe it would be possible if I did something symbolic. He said maybe I could write something and give it to him to keep in his office, or maybe draw something.
I don’t think writing will work for this. I write so much the rest of the time; I want a more powerful symbol for this. I’ve had two ideas about it. I have some photographs I took of myself when I wrote things on my body a few weeks ago. They might be just the thing to leave with him; they’re pretty symbolic. But if I leave them with him I’ll probably want to discuss them, and there’s some brief nudity! They’re not pornographic or erotic but there are nipples in some of them… He might find it utterly inappropriate…
My other idea is to make a rag doll that represents me and write on her body underneath her clothes. But maybe that’s childish and silly. Or maybe it isn’t the sort of thing he’d let me leave with him; it certainly wouldn’t fit in my file!
I like the idea of being able to talk about the photos with him, but not if he’s going to run screaming from the room at the sight of a bit of flesh. (And no, I don’t think he’ll find them remotely seductive – there’s too much sadness and pain in them.) Of course, I could give them to him and ask them not to look at them, but I don’t see how that would be helpful or therapeutic.
On the other hand I like the idea of giving him a doll to look after because presumably he’ll give it back to me after a while and then it will be something I can keep to remember him. (I fantasise that he’ll forget to give it back to me and then he’ll keep a part of me forever…)
Or maybe I should give up on those two ideas and write a short paper. But it won’t be as symbolic to me and I think I need to do something that will really be effective.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:633777
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060406/msgs/633777.html