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Re: Sad

Posted by sixsecrets on April 4, 2006, at 18:43:25

In reply to Re: Sad » Sixsecrets, posted by Damos on April 4, 2006, at 17:07:15

Everyday is an arduous journey of "pretend". I present myself with a smiley face to the world. Then I come home at night and just cry. I see a private therapist and I feel like I am just paying someone $140/hr to listen to me. I have alienated all my friends...they usually give me lip service and say "Get a grip!". My family thinks I am a drama queen. People seem to think I have nothing to be sad about, they say, "Oh, you have a good job, money, a nice apartment, a new car..." But, it means nothing. Nothing.
Everyday I go into the bathroom and see my stockpile of pills...every goddamn day and the only reason I haven't checked out is because I have a cat...Who would take care of my stupid cat? Is that not pathetic? None of the people I know understand what it means when I say "The hurt goes way beyond pain."
I am almost 50, alone, I've been hurt right to the core of my very soul. I've razored my arms and my legs, been on every anti-depressant and the hurt does not go away. Soul Pain. It's Soul Pain.
I really can't do this very much longer.
I keep deceiving myself that it will get better, but it doesn't.
A person's capacity for soul pain stops somewhere beyond infinity.


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URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060325/msgs/628851.html