Posted by Racer on March 27, 2006, at 12:41:19
In reply to Re: Yep, I've internalized my mother's criticism » Racer, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2006, at 10:08:28
> Racer, this may seem a bit sacriligious, almost, but can you make a game out of it?
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Not sacreligious at all, to me -- in fact, sounds like a good idea.The only problem I have with it, actually, is that I have internalized all this criticism so well, that I do feel ashamed of my ignorance as soon as it comes up. A number of years ago, for Christmas, Mother gave me a two volume set of Plutarch's "Lives of the Noble Romans." I got the message: "This is to dispel the gloom of ignorance in your mind..." If I had said that, she would have denied it, saying something like, "No, it's not to point out your ignorance -- it's just that everyone should have read these." And the difference is?
Last night my husband said he didn't think there was any of this subtext with Mom, though. He said he thought she was just asking those questions to show what she'd learned. Maybe. I recognize that I'm making up dialog about the "Plutarch's Lives" incident, even though I strongly believe that it's pretty accurate. But maybe I'm wrong, and the criticism is only coming from inside me? (Except for the knitting comment. And, despite thinking that the top was fine, now I'm wondering if she's right, so maybe that wasn't even meant as criticism?)
I don't know.
> Admittedly it worked the best in places like restaurants or in non-intense periods at home. There were a lot of times when I had to draw lines instead, and tell my dad that if he insulted my son in front of him, or told my mother he wanted to kill her too many times, or tell my brother he was worthless in too much detail, or curse at me too much, I was going to walk away.
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Good for you, for protecting your son. Proof you're a good mother to him.And I think my mother would be shocked to hear that I think she's terribly critical of me. I truly believe that she isn't aware of it. Based on her reaction when I've pointed this sort of thing out to her after she's applied it to other people, she's pretty oblivious, she really seems to think she's invisible. I doubt she realizes that anyone can hear what she says to them. Again -- it's different when it's her own daughter, because I'm primed to take in every syllable.
My T and I talked about dragging Mom in to a session or two. T doesn't think I'm quite there yet, which is probably pretty accurate, but it's in the future, I hope. {sigh} T also tells me, often, that I do a lot for Mom, and don't get credit for it. So how come I feel guilty that I don't do enough?
I know the answer to that, of course. It's because I'm nuts. My mother made me crazy. She's very generous, though, and I"m sure if you asked nicely, she'd make you crazy too...
poster:Racer
thread:625020
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060325/msgs/625176.html