Posted by Daisym on March 7, 2006, at 0:21:00
In reply to Medicated or non-medicated, *Trigger*, posted by Dinah on March 6, 2006, at 22:53:18
I think Racer nailed it. This sure sounds like grief to me. Grief and anger at so much loss in too short a time. And perhaps, you aren't done losing? And it makes perfect sense that you are MAD at your therapist...because he was your safe place and he just doesn't feel safe all the time now. And yet he is still safe enough to be angry at. Your dad isn't still there for you to be angry that he left you...you can't be mad at your husband (at least not much) for perhaps needing to move to survive...you can't be mad at your son for needing you, therefore blocking any suicidal plans you might have...and you can and should be mad at Katrina, but she's blown herself out and isn't there for you to rage at. I'm sure you could add at least 5 more people to this list...people you might feel angry with and yet, things are out of their control too.
So who do you get mad at? Yourself, and your therapist. I think the SI might be your ENOUGH cry. You've been so strong, taking care of so many things, I think you've had ENOUGH. You need a place to melt down and be taken care of. But, you've ended up taking care of your therapist too. So, who takes care of you?
I wish I knew what to say to make it all better. Time will help, but the reason they call it "grief stricken" is because it does feel like you have some horrible disease that sucks the life out of you and everything hurts. Physically, emotionally, intellectually. Drugs or not drugs. It all hurts. And you know what? You are allowed to hurt. You can scream and cry and kick things. And be a brat if that is what it takes.
I still think the answer is what I said last night. Throwing your hands in the air and simply saying, "Enough, please God, enough. You take over for awhile. I'm too tired to steer." I'll send up one for you too.
Hugs from me,
Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:616894
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060225/msgs/616917.html