Posted by Racer on February 10, 2006, at 18:54:58
Here's what I've noticed lately: it hardly matters what I'm doing, somewhere in the back of my mind is a very anxious bit that's checking *everything* I do, wondering if it's a sign of personality disorder, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, really-just-nuts disorder, take your pick. After all the experiences I've had in the past few years, I'm terrified, and I find myself questioning myself and my actions and my perceptions absolutely all the time.
I'm even doing that with what I'm writing. Yes, I was emphasizing that this background noise is constant. Does that mean that I must be A) histrionic? B) borderline? C) bipolar? D)narcissistic? E)paranoid? F)avoidant? G)dependent? H)relatively normal? ARGH! What a waste of time and energy.
I am not sure why I'm bringing this here, and it will certainly be a big topic coming up in therapy, but does anyone else find themselves doing this? It's bothered me a bit for a while, but this week something just threw me up against a wall with it: "You know, most people don't focus nearly this amount of energy on psychopathology."
And if anyone would like to feed my pathology, is this focus a sign of anything?
Now I'm going to go spank myself, for asking that last one...