Posted by fairywings on January 28, 2006, at 19:46:27
Saw my T and he was so nice. I guess I looked at everything I took to be "bad" about what he said and felt like he was blaming me for feeling depressed. I had severe anxiety b4 I saw him bec. I was so afraid he'd be completely annoyed with me, but he wasn't at all, he never has been.
Unfortunately my depression is coming close to an all time low. Today I've been very stuck in negative thinking, and all I could hear this afternoon was my mother's voice shaming me for behaving that way. (she's dead, but not gone from my head) Then I was thinking I just didn't want to be around, and trying to imagine how life would be for various people - husband and kids esp. How embarrassing it would be for my kids, how difficult it would be for my husband, how hurt they would all be.
So, I keep thinking "this will pass", and I know it will, but it hurts so bad. Sometimes I think it just won't get better of all the things I've done wrong, and how much time I've wasted.
I can't tell my husband stuff like that, he just doesn't get it at all. He hugs me, and thinks that makes it "all better". I really feel sorry for him for having to put up with my cr*p. I try to keep my T in my head bec. he was so calm and reassuring last week.
Thanks for listening,
fw
poster:fairywings
thread:603892
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/603892.html