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Didn't expect this---transference and termination

Posted by gardenergirl on January 26, 2006, at 11:12:48

Hi everyone,
I'm back in town. Boy does it feel good to be home, and it was great to see my T the other day.

I've had a lot going on since Thankgiving...sort of like Four Weddings and a Funeral, along with the holidays, and some family conflict with my hubby's family.

So going into the session, I was thinking, "Where do I start?" I finally started telling him about some of the stuff with hubby's family and what had gone on during the vacation. And then a bit about my Grandmother's funeral party. As I was talking, I realized that I was just sort of "telling him". I wasn't really asking for or feeling I needed help with it.

I started talking about that, and we both acknowledged that I was doing better, especially given all that has been going on.

Then I told him that while scanning some family pictures into the computer, I had felt a desire to bring some of them in to share them with him. They were all mostly from age 3-4. I couldn't figure out why I would want to do that if I was doing so much better. I suppose it might have something to do with wanting to feel he's a part of my family, too. I've been spending tons of time with family, and it's been quite nice most of the time....lots of expressions of love and caring in both directions (and the creepy hugger has stopped!!!) Woo hoo!

At any rate, he said maybe I have a wish for him to include me in his family. I also told him that I was curious about how he felt about me, but I have never asked. Then there was one of those moments when you can just feel the caring. Sigh. We talked about positive transference and another "t" word--termination.

We both agree it looks like I'm headed into that phase. You know, I always have sort of assumed that when we terminate, it will be because I've graduated, not necessarily because it's the right time.

I'm just trying on this idea, and we have a long way to go to work through the pain I know will come with that.

It's also very new and sort of amazing to me that my interactions with others are so different and so much more satisfying perhaps because of something different in me--something that results in me saying or doing something different like ending the creepy hug before it gets creepy, or, I don't know....just coming across different, which is allowing others to act/react differently, too.

It sometimes feels like magic, or some strange and wonderful unconscious interaction that can't be seen or described...just experienced. I guess that idea that one unconscious can speak to another might fit in with how things are different.

I actually shared some stuff with my mom about how I viewed my childhood, and for once, she listened and responded instead of just shrugging it off or saying she didn't see it.

Later in the afternoon after my session, I was skipping down the hallway singing "Follow the Yellow Brick Road" to my dog. Guess I felt happy, eh?

Oh, and just so you know it was not all magical and special....

When I was wiping my eyes with a kleenex, I must have breathed in with my mouth too hard, because I sucked the kleenex in and it stuck to my tongue. Blech!

And then when I got to my car I realized that my zipper was open! I have no idea how long, but I do know that if it was open when I stood up, there's no way he could have missed it---my sweater only went to my waist, and the color of my underwear, let's just say contrasted sharply with my jeans.

Sigh. I laughed so hard. I feel like I should say something, but if by chance he didn't see it or it happened outside, I don't want to call attention to it. As Daisy said, imagine the interpretations he could make if he went all Freudian on me...


Thanks for reading this long. I'd be interested in what y'all think.





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poster:gardenergirl thread:603003