Posted by Tamar on December 22, 2005, at 18:50:06
In reply to Re: I want therapy so much (*****trigger*****) » Tamar, posted by Damos on December 20, 2005, at 15:43:04
> In the interests of Occupational Health and Safety I feel it is my duty to warn you about the inherent risks of a 'slip and fall' accident occurring should you undertake "bonnet christening" activity.
Gosh, I never thought of that… I’d better be careful…
> I do have to agree with Muffled on this that one would be enough - the whole lot might come across as overly territorial ;-)
> Seriously though, having lived with someone with a chronic illness for a long time now I understand how important it is to have those rail at the world days. Those angry, frustrated I give up days. Those I'm pissy and grizzly and live with it days. Those I'm too d*mn tired to try anymore and I'm just want to curl up in a ball and cry days. Those don't even look at me unless you want your head bitten off days. Those it just aint fair days. It's allowing yourself permission to have those days and being allowed to have them that allows you to be strong and keep fighting the rest of the time. Being allowed to grieve what the disease has taken away is important to and maybe this is feeding the depression a little. Having a 'safe' place to be able to talk about all that is going physically and emotionally makes a world of difference too.
Yeah. I don’t need a lot of grizzly days. But I do need to recognise that life is not the same as it used to be, and if I try to pretend everything is normal I just end up worse. I’ve really noticed in the last few months that every time I have a brilliant, wonderful, full-of-energy day it’s followed by three days of crap.
> I can appreciate hubby's struggles too, because there is a sense (probably not spoken or even truly admitted to himself) of loss. Loss of things you (being the two of you) used to do, how you used to be, who you used to be. Change can be real hard especially if you've always relied on and needed the other person to be a certain way. Knowing when and what to say is hard as, especially if you've never been good at the communication stuff anyway.
It’s funny… he’s really not Mr Communicative, which is odd because he works in a field in which communication is one of his main roles. But maybe he uses most of it at work. Yeah, I probably shouldn’t expect him to know what to say.
> I know no-one in S's family 'get' her MS especially her sister who has been a Director of Nursing and specialised in gerontology. It's like it's all too close or they think she's putting it on or something.
It’s strange how people who ‘ought to’ understand just don’t seem to get it sometimes. Maybe it’s hard for her sister, who might have all too clear an idea of what the prognosis could be. Sometimes denial is easier, which doesn’t help S of course.
> But hard as it is, nothing excuses him for behaving badly, being unsupportive or insensitive. He has to fight for you and the relationship too. The hardest lesson is that normal is however you are right now.
Ah, ‘normal’… I’m learning lots of new definitions of normal.
> Please don't give up.
Today I’ll keep going. I’m making no promises about tomorrow! I’m on one-day-at-a-time at the moment…
> Lots a love and big safe hugs,