Posted by jammerlich on December 14, 2005, at 0:44:09
In reply to Re: I just got home from sending it » jammerlich, posted by Anneke on December 13, 2005, at 19:06:12
I'm glad you laughed. I laughed a little too when I wrote it. Sometimes it helps to step back and see the humor in something, if only for a brief moment.
Is it strange that I feel a little bit of everything at the moment? I feel ashamed - I hid what I was doing from my husband. We signed all the other cards together and before I left for the Post Office, I snuck off to another room to sign and address hers. He just doesn't understand all these feelings. I've been good about stopping the crying in front of him. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm over it.
I feel a little bit excited because I know she'll pretty much be forced to give me at least a moment of thought when she gets it. But along with that comes some apprehension that she might not be able to place who I am (even though I saw her for nearly a year). And I feel like I'm sharing a little bit of myself with her because I made the cards myself this year - but of course she won't know that. That sharing feeling is a little bit unsettling and I don't know why.
For the sake of honesty, I'll admit there is also a little part of me that hopes seeing my name causes a little bit of discomfort to shoot through her. It wouldn't bother me a bit if she were a little unsettled too. I hope the day all this happened was a hard one for her and that the card makes her remember that - and that me and my pain did not disappear just because she doesn't see me anymore.
But who knows what she'll think. She may just think it's a sort of olive branch - a way for me to let her know I don't hate her. And it is, really - all of the above and then some. Seems like a lot for a little 4x5 card to live up to, don't you think?
poster:jammerlich
thread:588582
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588895.html