Posted by Dinah on November 30, 2005, at 9:49:10
In reply to Re: T3 » Poet, posted by Dinah on November 29, 2005, at 20:01:21
I didn't mean to say anything too negative about her. She's actually got really good technique, and comes across as interested and therapeutically caring. Not terribly judgemental.
She does say things but none of them are said terribly offensively. Otherwise I'd have never lasted this long with her.
I think it's not an unusual style, and it worked well for Falls, and probably many other people. But I'm just not the sort of person who deals well with that style. I'd never make it with Falls therapist either, and that's ok. Different people respond differently. I'm not challenged by challenging statements.
I don't fight them. I just decide I don't want that in my life, and walk. If anyone's judgemental, it's likely me, because I just think people shouldn't talk that way to each other - not even therapists. Especially if there's no caring and investment already built up.
I'm sure she's a fine therapist and provokes change in many of her clients. She may be more effective than therapists who don't say provocative things. There's just a lack of good fit between her style and my response.
I'm a good therapy client. If she just raised the issues, without adding the provocative statements, or if she said the same thing but in a positive way. For example, instead of saying "you are immature and selfish in your sexuality" she could say "I'm sure you want to be as giving and generous as you can be toward your husband" it would have suited my style better.
But then again, she probably sees me as someone who's had ten years of therapy and has a more than thorough understanding of my issues, yet still has not made changes she would like to see. And she probably thinks that discussing things won't propel me to change, and that I need a bit more impetus. She hasn't, of course, seen the changes I have made, just the ones I haven't.
Maybe she's right. But I know that this way won't work with me. Apart from all else, I'm wickedly stubborn, and not inclined to reward behavior that I find less than desirable. ;) Also, these are changes that of course I have considered. I haven't reached my age, after ten years of therapy, without considering these changes. Simply stinging me into action won't make me choose these particular options.
So, I think she's a very good and very skilled therapist with a style that just does not mesh well with my own. Yet time and time again, I've heard of similar therapist who get excellent results. I am absolutely horrified at what they say, yet their clients would say positive things about them.
Maybe it's the difference between fight and flight. I may be argumentative, but there's a difference between that and a real fight response. I am only argumentative in certain circumstances. I choose my battles and I choose who I wish to engage. Otherwise I might draw a line in the sand, but then I walk away. Or run away, depending on circumstances.
And I think I refuse to see that as inherently worse than a tendency to stay and fight. Is a deer bad and a lion good? We all have natural inborn tendencies that are neither good nor bad, though some of them are certainly more prized by society. Fight may be more valued in our society, but that doesn't make it inherently more valuable.
poster:Dinah
thread:583331
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051130/msgs/583656.html