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Re: In the home stretch now » happyflower

Posted by fallsfall on November 27, 2005, at 20:15:13

In reply to In the home stretch now, posted by happyflower on November 26, 2005, at 16:06:01

Hi Happyflower,

I think I'm worried about something different from what other people are worried about. From what you've said, I think that your therapist is a good therapist. I think that the boundaries are bending a little, but you did a post a while ago that makes me feel confident that your therapist will do the right things for you. You said:

>My T says... that you can't help who you fall in love with. He has also said that you fall in love with someone who fills your needs at the moment, maybe not someone for the rest of your life. My T says you can't control your feelings or thoughts.
So if he has feelings for me, he couldn't help it right? But you can control your actions, he says, which is right. So I don't know what I am trying to say but could it be possible for a T to fall in really fall in love with a client? Now I know it is his job to control his actions and he is, but couldn't my T be in love with me? Could it happen after all I am so lovable and irrestritable! LOL

Of course you are lovable and irresitable! And it IS possible that your therapist is in love with you. But it is ALSO possible that, even if he is in love with you, that he will control his actions. That would mean that he could have feelings for you, but require the relationship to stay as a therapist/patient relationship. And it could mean that he would not tell you of his feelings, because telling you might not be in your best interest, or in the best interest of your therapy.

I guess I'm worried that he will maintain the boundaries (which I think I expect him to do), and that THAT will be very hard for you to accept. And I'm afraid that the longer you wait to talk to him about this, the deeper your feelings will be, and the harder it will be if he does maintain the boundaries. So I guess that I hope that you will talk to him soon, so that you can be grounded in reality.

Maybe I'm projecting here, because I know that I have a tendency to get started in some direction, and that direction seems to take on a life of its own. And I'm happily skipping down a particular path. But then I hit a reality check and I find out that one of my most basic assumptions wasn't true. And it would have been a lot easier for me to know that at the beginning before I put so much time and effort and energy into skipping down the path. Plus, when that reality check comes, if I've gone a long way down the path I get wicked, wicked embarassed ("I should have known better...", "How could I have thought that..."). This is one reason I'm so glad that I can see my therapist 3/week. Because that doesn't give me time to get too far down any path before I check in with him.

So, I hope you can talk to him soon about this. And I hope that you know that we are here, if you need us.

Falls.

 

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poster:fallsfall thread:582451
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/582812.html