Posted by Tamar on November 20, 2005, at 20:21:51
In reply to Details (very long), posted by 10derHeart on November 19, 2005, at 19:10:24
(((((10der)))))
I couldn't help crying when I read your post.
I know what you mean about the handshake.
I'm so sorry he's taken away something that was so important to you.
If he wants you to internalise him better... has he talked to you about ways to achieve that?
I wonder if he's reacting too strongly to this change in his usual practice. I'm sure he's perfectly capable of containing his feelings about enjoying your emails. I don’t think two juxtaposed relationships need to be a problem. If he’s having trouble handling those two relationships side-by-side, it really sucks that his trouble has an impact on you.
And yet… maybe his therapeutic commitment to you is so strong that he doesn’t want to let you down. Maybe he trusts his 30 years of experience in session more than he trusts his limited experience of email contact. Maybe he genuinely believes he can help you better by talking in session that by talking in email. He knows it’s hurting you, and he doesn’t *want* to hurt you: that much is clear. And yet it seems he believes that his way of working with you would be better if things were different. It totally sucks.
If only therapists could be everything we want them to be: perfect in every way! Maybe like other relationships in life they have their limitations. I know it feels like a rejection, but if your therapist really cares about what’s best for you, it’s a decision made out of love, even if he’s wrong, misguided, or imperfect. That’s the bottom line. He may be wrong, and he may be flawed, but he does genuinely care about you.
I’m so sorry it hurts.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:579218
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051118/msgs/580699.html