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Re: Need Advice Damos

Posted by cricket on September 22, 2005, at 16:19:46

In reply to Re: Need Advice cricket, posted by Damos on September 22, 2005, at 0:10:56


>
> Just want to start by saying that this and your "Important Session" post have made my heart break in the most wonderful ways. You're a remarkable woman and you're doing so great.

And you've been wonderfully supportive Damos. Your posts help me so much. I sure hope you get a lot of support and love IRL because you deserve it.

And before I go any further I need to be real clear about the fact that what I know about DID and therapy would fit on the point of a pin with enough room left over for a reasonable sized apartment complex. The closest I can come to a description of how it feels for someone like me to try and respond to you, Kerria, Fairywings, Alex and others about what you feel and experience is to ask you to imagine yourselves as china shops and me as a bull who's ODd on clumsy pills. So please forgive me if I talk complete cr*p and bumble about a bit.
>
Bumble away. To me too it's like feeling my way through the dark.

> Okay, so you're right, what he said wasn't an insight. But getting you to admit to having those feelings is huge. Ginormous in fact. What's that saying "All that is required for evil to flourish, is for good men to remain silent." That's what it's like with our negative perceptions of ourselves. Your T can't help you put an end to their evil until you admit they are there. So a big YAY for you on that one
>
Okay I hadn't thought about it that way. You do need to name things even if it's obvious to everyone.

> My take on the "..gun to your head" bit is that (I assume) you've lived your life under a sense of constant threat, and the reason you'd like to do therapy that way is because your system is set up specifically to respond to threats perceived and actual. Every member of your internal family has a specific role and responsibility in coping with a life where no-one can be trusted and everyone and everything is potentially dangerous. To protect you from thoughts, feelings and experiences that they don't think you can handle. So you'd like therapy to be like that cause everyone would know exactly what to do. Have you ever seen those top athletes that look so ordinary during the regular season but who become this amazing superstar at play-off time? It's a similar thing, their entire system is finely tuned to performing under a particular type and level of pressure, tension and stress, and when those things aren't there they're at a loss as to how to 'make it happen'.
>
Yes, exactly.

> But therapy can't be like that. Because it's about showing you the other possibilities of how to be and to engage in the world. It's about showing the whole family how life could be different and better for all of you. There's more to say here but I'm stuffed if I can find the right words.
>
> I guess I like the 'internal family' idea because there is a warmth to it and the image of everyone being part of something greater than themselves. For me it also encompasses little kids, teenagers, grown-ups, boys and girls easily. It also speaks of every member being at their own level of development within the family and to the potential for growth within the whole family unit. I also like it because everyone has their own identify within the family and all are entitled to the love, care, respect and protection of the rest of the family. It also fits really nicely with things you've said about the part that goes to work but doesn't go to therapy; the part that gets cross when the kids misbehave and who tries to protect everyone. I can only assume he suggested using your relationships with them as a model because you had to lean to communicate with each of them, and I'm assuming that the form of communication is different with each and that as a family and individuals you have created 'safe' places and ways to discuss and deal with 'hard' stuff. I think he's asking what the family needs him to do for the therapy space to be a safe place for you to come to and be.
>
> Oh Cricket, you are so not pathetic, you are light years from that. Yes, be hopeful, there's lots to be hopeful about. It's been a huge few weeks and a lot to take in.
>
> So let me see if I've got this straight. The purpose of the system is to protect you from thoughts, feelings and experiences it doesn't think you can handle; and you're going to therapy and to use your words: "...since I've been coming here so long and I have told you things that I never even dreamed of telling anyone." So if I've got this right you're going to therapy to talk about all the stuff your internal family has spent their whole life trying to protect you from. Anyone see a conflict. So if it's anything like life, the closer you get to telling the 'secrets' the harder everyone tries to stop you. And they're probably afraid that if you get better you won't need them any more so they're scared. He's asking you how together you can find a place where it's okay to tell the secrets - where everyone will feel safe.
>
I think you did get it all right. Thanks Damos. It's great to have someone else help me articulate something I've been struggling with.

> As for the script stuff. He sounds like he has a pretty solid overall strategy and that he adapts his tactics according to what is happening in the moment, but never, ever loses sight of the overall strategy.
>
> Well that's my take on it anyway.

Thanks again Damos. Do you accept cyberhugs?


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