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Re: Progress with the Ego States... littleone

Posted by Daisym on August 30, 2005, at 19:41:04

In reply to Re: Progress with the Ego States... Pfinstegg, posted by littleone on August 29, 2005, at 22:07:11

>>>>But at other times I think it's ridiculous to even consider it. It seems like such a severe and serious problem that could only be caused by terrible and chronic childhood abuse. My dad is a bit scary, but I just can't see that my parents were *that* bad.

***I use the word ridiculous all the time. What I know and what I feel don't match. A week or so ago I asked my therapist in all sincerity, "what happened to me was bad, right?" It felt like a stupid question but I was trying to justify for myself how bad I feel and how fragmented I get. He did answer me but more important he made it clear that how I FEEL about what happened is really the key. There are events that don't seem that bad yet they are the most upsetting for me. Maybe I didn't dissociate completely from them, who knows? But I guess what I'm trying to say is that your sensitivities don't have to match mine. It is how you feel about your experiences that matter. Not how you think you should feel. Or how anyone else judges "bad" or "bad enough."

I think when we look at our life's history, we can't forget that there are many other scary characters for kids, besides parents: bad teachers, mean children, weird neighbors, etc. Even grandparents can potentially cause fear or humiliation. And I think ongoing fear and humiliation causes the fragmentation, not the acts themselves.

 

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poster:Daisym thread:547215
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