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Re: Update Ľ Dinah

Posted by Tamar on August 27, 2005, at 5:41:58

In reply to Update, posted by Dinah on August 26, 2005, at 16:56:44

> He came to session today prepared to listen. He allowed me to take the lead and bring up a different topic, but he turned it back into the struggle I've been having with our relationship.
> He was a bit disingenuous trying to say that he wasn't saying that he wouldn't help me in my goals, while simulataneously saying that no therapist wants to help a client move backward and that I might not be being open in considering the benefits of other goals.

Iím glad he was listening. Though I see what you mean about his being disingenuous. On the other hand, maybe heís looking for a compromise. Maybe if you were to demonstrate to him that those other goals donít work for you, he might be more prepared to help you with yours. I dunnoÖ Sometimes I think therapists have these brainwaves and canít let go of ideas until theyíve proved wrong. And maybe we can learn something in the process of proving them wrong (double satisfactionÖ).

> I retained my stance that he didn't need to help, and I understood that our goals were different, but that I didn't want to fight with him over it, and I'd handle it myself.

Iím sure you *can* handle it yourself, but wouldnít it be better if he worked with you on it? Maybe he needs to do a bit of compromising too. And I think itís possible to pursue two different goals, though it might depend on how different they are!

> It was a good session overall. We didn't come to any sort of agreement, but he did listen to me and respect the depth of my feelings for the first time. And maybe that's enough.

Iím so glad he respects the depth of your feelings. I donít see how he could help you if he didnít.

> And he didn't make it icky or appear to be uncomfortable at the prospect of being the object of adoration. :)


> He's a pretty good guy, and a decent therapist when he's paying attention.
> He did however schedule people into the only two time slots we ever use on Friday. If he had filled one or the other I wouldn't have felt hurt, but he filled both. So I formally requested appointments at 9 am Fridays through next May, and gave him the two dates I would need a different time slot. He didn't reply.

Argh! Are there twelve good reasons why he canít just schedule you at the same time several weeks in advance? I can imagine that keeping his schedule flexible might be appropriate for some clients, but itís not as if youíre going to disappear any time soon! I suspect that the kind of therapy heís doing with you might be quite different from the therapy he does with other clients Ė didnít you mention that he normally does short-term CBT? I can see how moving appointment times could be useful in short-term CBT, but Iím not so sure itís appropriate for you.

Just my two cents.





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