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Re: What if..... Damos

Posted by cricket on August 26, 2005, at 19:34:58

In reply to Re: What if.....(long) cricket, posted by Damos on August 25, 2005, at 17:27:57

Thanks Damos for such a thoughtful reply.

It also does make a lot of sense.
Let's see
> Understanding - We definitely struggle with this one.
> Acceptance - Hmmm. In therapy the goal is change so I'm not sure how this comes into play. In real life though, acceptance is critical. My marriage improved 100% once I just accepted my husband as he is.
> Respect - No problem here.
> Courtesy and - No problem.
> Mutual Accountability - No problem.
> Understanding is really important because our understanding of each other helps us build trust. The better I understand you the clearer my picture of your character and competence and therefore my assumptions as to your motives, intent and my ability to read you moods, sense of humour etc.

Yeah, but I guess trust comes first though. Because without trust, I don't feel comfortable letting you know me.
> Acceptance. Peoples emotions tend to move from anxiety to acceptance as they learn more about the other person. It's about approving of someone, even though they may be very unlike you. Basic training in the military is really about taking these people from vastly different backgrounds and breaking them down to a level where they can accept each other and appreciate what each persons differences bring to the whole.
Yeah, part of the problem with my therapist is that we come from such different backgrounds it's almost like we need a translator sometimes.

> The ability to collaborate "on" purpose is also where magic can happen. What I mean is that we can work together on something never exactly having an agreed and shared purpose or, we can collaborate "on" purpose where we agree and share a common goal and purpose that we are both working toward.
Yeah, that might be a problem with us. My issues are so messy and complex that it's even hard to pin them down.

> It's also important that when you're trying to build solid relationship that things be really explicit. Because otherwise you tend to fill in the blanks with assumptions, judgements, past stuff etc
> What you described sounds like a paradigm shift. A shift in the way you percieve, understand and interpret the world. I think it was Thomas Kuhn who said something like: that every significant breakthrough in science is first a break with tradition, old ways of thinking, or old paradigms.

I hope so. It was one of those aha things where you say "well why didn't I think of this before?"
> Sorry to have gone on so long.

Thank you for taking the time.





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