Posted by alexandra_k on August 25, 2005, at 15:22:04
In reply to What if....., posted by cricket on August 25, 2005, at 11:49:44
> So for three years now, I have assumed that my therapist, even if very competent, is rather indifferent to me. He treats me because that is his job. He would be happy if I disappeared. He completely forgets I exist from week to week.
Thats gotta feel pretty bad :-(
> For three years, I’ve been looking for evidence that above assumptions are correct. And despite, my being willing to interpret almost anything in favor of my assumption, I really haven’t found any solid evidence that the above assumption is true.
:-)
> So what if I just assumed something different?:-)
> What if I assume that he cares about me? He treats me, despite the fact that he could readily get easier, better-paying patients, because he likes me and likes the challenge I present? He doesn’t forget my existence until he sees my face on Tuesday afternoon, but I pass through his mind from time to time and he ponders ways to help me?And thats gotta feel a lot better :-)
> So even if I spend the next three years, looking for evidence that the above assumptions are correct, I suspect that I won’t find any evidence that he cares either.Yeah.
Though to just be a little bit picky...
Instead of looking for evidence that supports a hypothesis one is supposed to look for evidence that disconfirms a hypothesis.
But that doesn't matter so much
(because you can revise auxillary assumptions - write evidence off as him having a bad day etc - ad infinitum.)
> So I’ll never really know one way or the other.Yeah.
> Set of #1 assumptions certainly feel safer. But after three years of getting nowhere with them, is it time to try something different? Even just for the heck of it.
:-)
> So what’s the harm in trying #2? Even if the assumptions are wrong, what does it matter? What will happen if I assume he cares and at then some point I find evidence that proves I am wrong? Well then I will change my assumption at that point
> But in the meantime, faced with the lack of any evidence…
> Is this stupid? Sort of like believing in God, even though you really don’t, because it makes you feel better?Oh no no no. I think what you have figured is great. Really really great :-) Sounds like the first step with respect to trust to me.
> I guess I am curious if there will be any changes in our interactions if I just go to therapy assuming he cares.
I think so.
I think that the assumption that he doesn't has coloured your thinking / interpretation of what he says etc more than you probably realise.Trust is hard.
But this sounds like a positive move to me
:-)
poster:alexandra_k
thread:546520
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050824/msgs/546566.html