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Re: Attachment and loss...possible trigger daisym

Posted by gardenergirl on August 26, 2005, at 14:53:30

In reply to Re: Attachment and loss...possible trigger, posted by daisym on August 26, 2005, at 0:08:51

> ****He said I want guidance and reassurance. And he doesn't want to collude with me by giving that. But wouldn't a good parent give that? I don't really know. I never got that. Is it so terrible to want it now?****
> No, it isn't terrible to want it. We all want guidance and reassurance sometime. We all need it sometime. And sometimes we need a small push towards self-reassurance and trusting in our own instincts. A good parent, or friend, or therapist, balances those things.

Daisy, in reading our posts on both threads, I can see we are struggling with similar issues. I feel a bit like I am talking out both sides of my mouth. Darn those complex feelings and thoughts.

> I guess no matter what we do, they want us to be in charge of ourselves. I just wish I didn't have to be in charge 24/7.

You know, I think that there is a strong wish for we "do it yourself-ers" to have someone take over now and then. But it's scary, too, giving up control. And yes, self-sufficience is a good and mature thing. But I think it's also a good thing to be able to allow vulnerability and caretaking with the right person. But it's a risk. And it could be damaging if it persists into dependence. Ack, I could argue both sides all day.






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