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Re: Do you tell your T about transference? Ľ Bailey777

Posted by Tamar on August 21, 2005, at 14:49:06

In reply to Re: Do you tell your T about transference?, posted by Bailey777 on August 21, 2005, at 11:02:42

> I just started therapy for the first time and have been in it for two years now. I feel at this point that I am having transference with her, but I don't know if this is helping or hindering me with my issues. Do I tell her that I feel "attracted" to her? I find myself thinking about her a lot (all the time). It also difficult because I am gay and I recentely saw her at a lesbian event, so now I know she is (I assumed she was but she appears "straight" - most people would not know, but I got gaydar on her). So, I'm wondering if knowing that is making me think about her more sexually now. I find myself holding back in therapy and wondering if I should leave. Any thoughts would be appericated.

Hi Bailey, and welcome to Babble!

Well, I usually think itís best to tell. I think most therapists handle it sensitively and gently. Having said that, there are a few who donít handle it as well as they ought to, so you should trust your judgement. But if youíve been in therapy for two years with this therapist, maybe you have come to trust her enough to tell her?

Iím amazed that your gaydar works in therapy! I canít imagine my gaydar being any use in a therapeutic setting! I can imagine that seeing your therapist at a lesbian event would make you think about her sexually, and itís perfectly natural to experience erotic transference. From what Iíve heard, many people decide to quit therapy rather than tell their therapist, but I think that probably makes everything harder rather than easier. I didnít tell my therapist (I kept going for months) and now I wish I had told, because now Iím sure he would have handled it well. I finished therapy five months ago, because I was no longer depressed, and now I very much regret never having told him how I felt about him.

So itís just my two cents, but I reckon that if you tell her it will be quite a relief.

Tamar


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