Posted by Susan47 on August 7, 2005, at 23:13:42
In reply to Re: Yesterday I walked down my ex-T's street » Susan47, posted by Damos on August 5, 2005, at 0:24:09
You're such a nice person, Damos, thanks for your cheers. You're right about a lot of things, but what do you do when you think you're stupid-looking? Stop looking into mirrors and at photos, I think that's the only thing. Concentrate on the other person, I like to do that, that comes naturally to me now, more and more naturally, lately, to look at someone directly in the eye(s) and care only about them, now. People like that and then they like me and I don't feel so bad .. sounds like a song ... I wish he didn't have this control, and I wish he hadn't used it the way he did, letting me feel so much worse about myself, making it happen, really, he was a putz and I just have to know that in my heart. But I do wish he'd had courage, courage to like me, courage to care deeply about me and courage to tell me. Or maybe not courage. Maybe just.. the desire to do that. Like I said before, one day it'll all be clear, in that moment of clarity that's supposed to happen with dying.
I dreamed the other night that I won some stupid kind of prize, I didn't know I'd entered.. the prize which was worth some million dollars, was a huge stuffed cooked salmon. It was worthless, to me. To someone it was a million dollars' worth of fish. I won all these other things too, elegant, lovely furniture .. and you know what? I had no house nor apartment to put it into. There was all this lovely stuff, with no place to go.
That was a meaningful dream. But it hurts to say I dreamt it. Because I think it was about my ex-T. How what you want isn't always what you really need, what looks good to someone else might be garbage to you .. but then, it was a salmon. It wasn't garbage. I love salmon. Salmon is good for you, and it tastes good, too. And the furniture was elegant, shapely, the sort of thing I like .. just no place for any of it to go. Does anybody who's read this far know what it means?
poster:Susan47
thread:537605
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050801/msgs/538924.html