Posted by crushedout on July 30, 2005, at 17:46:48
In reply to Re: Lott: p.s., posted by deborah anne lott on July 30, 2005, at 17:39:39
Deborah,I complete appreciate your brutal honesty. I think it helps me to be reminded of these things, to hear someone else say them, because I STILL to this day romanticize the heck out of this woman and think that life would be perfect if only I were with her.
So, it helps me to hear these judgements of her. And on some level, I guess I do agree with you. I wish I could on all levels. Part of me still wants to think of her as this kind, loving person. Which I guess she could still be, but with some enormous flaws. Anyway, I ramble. Thanks much for being here.
> I hate to be harsh but your former therapist is, to be charitable, very misinformed, undereducated, or inexperienced. It's very easy to rationalize self-indulgent behavior which is what she exhibited -- to confide attraction, to give clients lovesong CDs -- as "therapeutic style." That's not a style, that's a disaster waiting to happen. Don't take the blame on yourself -- "if only I wasn't so screwed up then I could handle my therapist's trying to turn my therapy into her therapy -- PLEASE. This kind of therapy isn't good for anyone. It might damage some people less than others, but it isn't good for anyone. And some people, perhaps the better-parented among us, would recognize right away that the therapist is the problem and not blame themselves. This therapist should be thanking you for trying to set her straight -- someday she might get the message.
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> > I should add that my former therapist thought of her boundary-crossings as simply her therapeutic style and that this was one of a number of good ways to do therapy. I'm not disputing that it might not work for some patients (divulging so much about your life, talking about your own feelings in relations to the patient, etc.), but given her knowledge of what I was going through, it certainly didn't seem very smart.
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> > I guess I'm digressing (and getting angry in the process). Lots of unresolved issues here. :(
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poster:crushedout
thread:535316
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050725/msgs/535757.html